I'm back!!! ...and so the confessions continue...

….so I got an email AND a facebook wall post AND a facebook message from Chyna (who is in China for a year) asking If I was ok and why I hadn’t been updating my blog. It was at that point that I realized I had gone MIA!! To be honest, after the dramatic break-up with T just before summer I expected my summer to be blah… but work, school, volunteer work, friends, family and dates made it busy and fun!! (Drama-filled too). Here’s a quick breakdown…

JUNE

I spent a lot more time with friends (especially Joker) doing coffee dates, parties, festivals… basically everything social to get my mind off T and the break-up. The weather was getting warm so of course I didn’t want to stay indoors!! They say the best way to get over a break-up is to keep busy, live life as you normally would (as if nothing happened) and if it helps, find a rebound guy ( the latter is treading on very thin ice because it could just end up being more drama so I didn’t bother with it!!!). I missed T here and there, but for the most part by the end of June I was at peace with the break-up. (Btw even up to today he still randomly calls & texts me!! I don’t pay him any attention though…). My stepmom was getting on my nerves so I avoided her as much as possible. At work things got brighter - I finally got hired on permanently (previously I had been on contract, and they kept extending it). 

JULY

This is when my summer got…interesting. I met a few new guys and this is where the dates started. I wasn’t looking to jump into anything serious… just mingle :) The most memorable was my first date with a guy who lived an hour away. It was a blind date in the sense that we hadn’t met in person before. He had a friend’s wedding to attend and he wanted me to go as his date. At first I wasn’t too keen on the idea because I like first dates to be more one-on-one, plus I’d have to meet his friends on date one, plus the whole wedding thing as a first date was a bit awkward! Eventually I agreed, and he turned out to be a good guy – he made me as comfortable as possible at the wedding. After I got home that night though, I deleted his number… weird I know, considering he was good looking, funny, well-mannered, smart and financially stable. It’s at that point that I realized I had trust issues - because he lived an hour away, I’d always be on edge about him cheating (looks like T scarred me!!).  And he had too much swag for my liking… the type of ‘charming’ you’d expect from a player (type of swag T had!). Normally I would’ve given him a chance but umm… no.

Joker and I have been friends for ten years and even though I know he had a crush on me in high school I thought it ended in high school. One night after one of our random chill sessions as we were doing our usual goodnight hug, he snuck a kiss on my lips. It was a quick, lingering peck and he left immediately… almost like he was scared to stay around for my reaction. I was frozen for a few moments with so many emotions… disgusted because I felt like my brother had just tried to make a move on me, angry because he has a girlfriend (who by the way we just found out is pregnant) and confused because I thought we were friends. A lot of my friends (and our mutual friends) always told me that Joker was in love with me, but I never took them seriously because I don’t see him the same way.  He’s cute, funny…the works, but I just. don’t. see. him. that. way (plus as his best girl friend, I’ve heard the sooo many stories from him that would not make me want to be in a relationship with him). I wanted to confront him about ‘the kiss’, but I didn’t because I didn’t want him to confess his undying love for me since I wouldn’t know what to say. The most I did was tell him (half-jokingly) that if he ever pulled a stunt like that again, I’d slap him so hard he’d forget his name. Eitherway, rest of summer with him was weird because we hung out less, called each other less, bbm’d less. He knows me well enough to know that I rejected him without being blunt, and I know him well enough to know he took it personally. 

Ironically, later that week I was hanging out with another guy friend I went to uni with…we met during our freshman year (6 years ago) because we lived in the same rez and we were in the same program. I remember when we first met I had the biggest crush on him which I admitted to him. He pretty much turned me down saying he was still having his fun:  he knew that I wanted a serious relationship and he wasn’t ready for it. I respected him for being honest, and we stayed good friends for years after that. Recently, people have been telling me that he likes me as more than a friend but I shrug it off because after all, he turned me down and I’m definitely over him by now!!!!! Fast-forward five years and I had gone over to his house to pick up something. He opened the door in just boxers which I didn’t really think anything of because he’s always been conceited about his body. I’ve been to his house hundreds of times before and so many times he is shirtless or opens the door in just a towel with the typical ‘I just came out of the shower’ excuse – I just ignore it. Eitherway, so we’re on the couch talking, having a drink and watching tv as we’ve done hundreds of times before. This time around though, things were strange… he was sitting closer that normal, really touchy/flirty, and before I knew it his arm was around my shoulder. Next thing I knew he was trying to kiss me and he pretty much pounced on me!!!!!!!! I was shocked! To cut the story short, I didn’t want any of that so I pushed him off me and pretty much ran out the door!! Needless to say, our ‘friendship’ has become awkward since. I try to avoid him as much as I can – in fact I’ve only seen him only once after that and that was to make an appearance at his birthday party.

It’s all so weird because for a while I was starting to wonder who my true guy friends were. Am I naïve? If it was guys I wasn’t close to I’d shrug it off as them being dogs but in this case was I being delusional thinking that they were just good friends? Can males and females ever be just friends? Was I giving off a slutty vibe for them to come onto me like that, or was it because I was freshly single and they felt they could snatch me while they still could? It was all so weird….. had me really thinking…. UPDATES ON THE REST OF THE MONTHS TO FOLLOW…..

...tipsy? ...drunk? ...nahh, GONE!

So at work Tuesday I got a text from Joker (who in case you haven't noticed is my best guy friend lately) asking me if I wanted to chill after work. Nothing unusual because at least once a week we hang out after work. Little did I know that this 'chill session' would turn into an unusual one...

After work I called him up and we met at Wacky Wings (nothing like good ol' fashioned wings and beer to unwind after a tough day at work right?!). Sidenote: I never used to like beer but spending time with Joker and his boys watching playoffs..  plus beer being the only alcoholic drink in his fridge everytime I go over to his house rubbed off on me. I'm still all about cocktails so I secretly curse him to this day! Back to the story: At the table was Joker and two of his guy friends. One of them I didn't know, and the other one (we'll call him 'the drunk') I had met before. As soon as I saw 'the drunk' I gave Joker the cut eye because 'the drunk' is an alcoholic... literally. It was too late to turn around so I grabbed a seat and joined in with the pitcher and wings because they already had a glass and plate waiting for me.

'The drunk' is a 'friend' of Joker who turned into an alcoholic after his ex left him a few years ago. I've heard CRAZY stories about him from the Joker about how he blows ridiculous amounts of money on alcohol, how he picks meaningless fights after he has too much to drink, how he has countless DUIs to the point where he is on legal curfew, can't drive for pretty much his whole life and has to attend AA meetings/rehab, how he can't keep a job but because he is from a privileged background he doesn't care because his cashflow to buy more alcohol isn't going anywhere, how getting kicked out of a club/lounge or any place that serves alcohol is a norm to him... the list goes on. Everytime I hear stories about 'the drunk' I put the Joker on blast because I feel like the Joker and his friends are supporting the habit. How can you be a 'friend' and still drink with him? 

Joker justifies it by saying that they were friends before he became an alcoholic and he can't 'ditch' his boy because he is sick and has a problem. He says 'the drunk' will always find a way to drink with or without him in his life and if he ditched 'the drunk' he will just find other people to drink with. He says because the drunk's wallet is like a bottomless pit, the other people he will find to drink with will use him for his money and as a 'friend' he can't let that happen because he knows those people using him will probably let him drive drunk or won't get him out of a fight if one starts.  Joker told me once that I wouldn't understand it and the importance of 'true friends' surrounding him until I saw 'the drunk' drunk. That's why Joker called me to witness it.

As 'the drunk' was cracking a joke about prenups and how he wanted his future wife to sign one so she would never run off with his beer money (his exact words), I looked at Joker and realized that me and him will never agree on this issue. How can you be a 'true friend' and sit there watching your friend drink himself to an early grave? But then again, I sort of understand what he means about 'the drunk' doing it with or without him and being in a vulnerable state if he doens't have his true friends watching over him. Where do you draw the line between love and tough love? Is my viewpoint right, or is Joker's viewpoint right? What would I do if I had a friend like that?

As I walked away from the table I shook my head and thought at how crazy life can be and how sometimes people disagree on the method, but they all want the same outcome (in this case to see 'the drunk' get over this). And when it comes down to it, it all started with one bad relationship....