...tipsy? ...drunk? ...nahh, GONE!

So at work Tuesday I got a text from Joker (who in case you haven't noticed is my best guy friend lately) asking me if I wanted to chill after work. Nothing unusual because at least once a week we hang out after work. Little did I know that this 'chill session' would turn into an unusual one...

After work I called him up and we met at Wacky Wings (nothing like good ol' fashioned wings and beer to unwind after a tough day at work right?!). Sidenote: I never used to like beer but spending time with Joker and his boys watching playoffs..  plus beer being the only alcoholic drink in his fridge everytime I go over to his house rubbed off on me. I'm still all about cocktails so I secretly curse him to this day! Back to the story: At the table was Joker and two of his guy friends. One of them I didn't know, and the other one (we'll call him 'the drunk') I had met before. As soon as I saw 'the drunk' I gave Joker the cut eye because 'the drunk' is an alcoholic... literally. It was too late to turn around so I grabbed a seat and joined in with the pitcher and wings because they already had a glass and plate waiting for me.

'The drunk' is a 'friend' of Joker who turned into an alcoholic after his ex left him a few years ago. I've heard CRAZY stories about him from the Joker about how he blows ridiculous amounts of money on alcohol, how he picks meaningless fights after he has too much to drink, how he has countless DUIs to the point where he is on legal curfew, can't drive for pretty much his whole life and has to attend AA meetings/rehab, how he can't keep a job but because he is from a privileged background he doesn't care because his cashflow to buy more alcohol isn't going anywhere, how getting kicked out of a club/lounge or any place that serves alcohol is a norm to him... the list goes on. Everytime I hear stories about 'the drunk' I put the Joker on blast because I feel like the Joker and his friends are supporting the habit. How can you be a 'friend' and still drink with him? 

Joker justifies it by saying that they were friends before he became an alcoholic and he can't 'ditch' his boy because he is sick and has a problem. He says 'the drunk' will always find a way to drink with or without him in his life and if he ditched 'the drunk' he will just find other people to drink with. He says because the drunk's wallet is like a bottomless pit, the other people he will find to drink with will use him for his money and as a 'friend' he can't let that happen because he knows those people using him will probably let him drive drunk or won't get him out of a fight if one starts.  Joker told me once that I wouldn't understand it and the importance of 'true friends' surrounding him until I saw 'the drunk' drunk. That's why Joker called me to witness it.

As 'the drunk' was cracking a joke about prenups and how he wanted his future wife to sign one so she would never run off with his beer money (his exact words), I looked at Joker and realized that me and him will never agree on this issue. How can you be a 'true friend' and sit there watching your friend drink himself to an early grave? But then again, I sort of understand what he means about 'the drunk' doing it with or without him and being in a vulnerable state if he doens't have his true friends watching over him. Where do you draw the line between love and tough love? Is my viewpoint right, or is Joker's viewpoint right? What would I do if I had a friend like that?

As I walked away from the table I shook my head and thought at how crazy life can be and how sometimes people disagree on the method, but they all want the same outcome (in this case to see 'the drunk' get over this). And when it comes down to it, it all started with one bad relationship....

You Live & You Learn (esp with guys) - Part 3

After I found out, I stopped talking to T completely. I went to his house when I knew nobody would be home, let myself in with the spare key, and took JUST my stuff. (That's how you know I'm sweet.. I could have f*cked up his house). Eventually the other girl (we'll call her 'the model' since she was a part-time model) called and begged me to contact him because he was threatening to beat her down. He suspected that she'd told me everything and that's why I cut him off. To cut a long story short, I told her I'd have to confront him with everything she told  me and I'd personally make sure that he wouldn't lay a finger on her for telling me.

So finally I picked up one of his calls and agreed to meet him in person. I seriously considered standing him up, but I showed up (full swag on 'cuz you gotta look good when dumping someone!). I pulled the whole 'I know there's something going on so tell me everything now and MAYBE we can save the relationship' line. As my player friend Joker once told me, a certified player will always deny and try to flip the script.. so it wasn't a  surprise when T lied and tried to make me sound crazy. I didn't budge and eventually, he talked himself into a corner where he had no choice but to admit he cheated. He claimed he'd never had sex with 'the model' and that it was 'emotional cheating.' He had an 'alternate' version to everything 'the model' had told me so in the end I didn't know who to believe anymore. What I did know was that I didn't want to get caught up a web of lies and drama so I broke up with him.

That's when the stalking began! On sooo many occasions, T would wait for me with flowers by my car after work. He'd blow up my phone leaving all sorts of voice and text messages.. granted some of them were sweet, but others were just creepy. One Friday he was waiting for me after work and he asked to take me out to dinner. I refused because I had a girls' night out and he went as far as to give me money and say 'You and your girls go have fun tonight.' I took the money, told him that he was wrong if he thought money could buy me, and walked away! Once, when I did eventually  go out for dinner with him, I picked a ridiculously pricey spot... I kinda felt bad about that one though because I started to feel like this secret revenge thing was going too far...

So here we were, in this state of limbo.. I loved him and wanted to take him back, but the more rational side did not trust a word he said enough to take him back... let alone even kiss him. Part of me wanted nothing to do with him, but the other part wouldn't let me X him out of my life completely. It's funny how we females remember all the good times over the bad  and that justifies us 'forgiving'... but very few guys are as accomodating when a female cheats! I'm lucky I have friends who kept me strong so that I didn't give in and take him back. I was bitchy to him because a part of me wanted him to stop pursuing me (which would make it easier to get over him knowing he doesn't want me anymore).. but he took the bitching like a sponge and still pursued me with sweet gestures which made me want him back even more.

Eitherway, one day I was at work and T's friend called me. I didn't pick up because you know my policy.. emotional calls at work = career suicide. Soon after, his mom called me too. Curious, I broke my 'rule' and talked to her. She told me that T was in hospital - he had passed out, lost his vital signs for a few moments and while he was in the ambulance (after they revived him) he asked them to call me. At first I thought it was a prank but when I went after work, there he was on the hospital bed..heart monitor, IV, nasal cannula.. the works! I was shocked to say the least! And of course he confessed his undying love right there on his hospital bed... begging for a second chance.

To cut a long story short, that's how we got back together (for one whole day!) after he was discharged. I took him back reluctantly because there was a nagging feeling at the back of my mind. 'The model' had told me that she got my number because T had a new phone and we all know that the original voicemail password is the last four digits of your phone number! So she went into his voicemail and got my number from a message I had left him. So I decided to get with the 'in thing', and I checked his voicemail (he still hadn't changed his password). There were at least five voice messages from another chick (not 'the model'). The messages hinted something was going on between them and she was upset he 'disappeared' and stopped picking up her calls. I asked him who she was and he claimed she was a random friend who 'caught feelings' but nothing happened between them. I still didn't believe him so for my peace of mind I called her and explained to her that I didn't want drama, I just wanted to know how she knew T. She was his friend's cousin and they had on-off fling that started four months after T and I started dating. Apparently because she lived out of town for school, their flings only went down when she came back from school. She asked if I was the one who had yelled at her on the phone... I said no. She asked if he had ever tried to propose to me at Niagara Falls.. and I told her kinda (read part 1 if you're lost!). It made sense now! She is the one who sent him the text 'the model' saw, and she's the one 'the model' yelled at (read part 2 if you're lost!).

After I got off the phone with chick #2, I was sick to my stomach. I felt very stupid and unattractive. It hurt that he was cheating on me pretty much throughout the relationship, and that it was with MULTIPLE chicks. For all I know, there are probably a dozen more out there (I don't even care to know how many anymore). I thought I had the complete package - I know I'm not hideous looking, I'm smart, sweet personality, no baggage... doing well for someone my age. It really killed my self esteem to know what someone wasn't satisfied with my package to the point where they cheated. People say I should feel better knowing that a female could have the complete package but if the guy is a cheater by nature, nothing will stop him. They point out people like Halle Berry, Eva Longoria, Christina Milian, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston etc: they have it going on, yet they were cheated on! They tell me at least I was the 'main' chick and I got the VIP treatment from him.. but that doesn't help!! Bottom line, that shit hurt!!

So what happened to T? Well I dumped him again the day after we got back together... he turned stalker-like again, and eventually to get him off my back I lied and saidI had moved on with a new guy. It took a few weeks for him to 'get it' and eventually, he faded out of my life. I miss him, but I know I have bigger, better things lined up in my future. After all... you live and you learn!