I'm back!!! ...and so the confessions continue...

….so I got an email AND a facebook wall post AND a facebook message from Chyna (who is in China for a year) asking If I was ok and why I hadn’t been updating my blog. It was at that point that I realized I had gone MIA!! To be honest, after the dramatic break-up with T just before summer I expected my summer to be blah… but work, school, volunteer work, friends, family and dates made it busy and fun!! (Drama-filled too). Here’s a quick breakdown…

JUNE

I spent a lot more time with friends (especially Joker) doing coffee dates, parties, festivals… basically everything social to get my mind off T and the break-up. The weather was getting warm so of course I didn’t want to stay indoors!! They say the best way to get over a break-up is to keep busy, live life as you normally would (as if nothing happened) and if it helps, find a rebound guy ( the latter is treading on very thin ice because it could just end up being more drama so I didn’t bother with it!!!). I missed T here and there, but for the most part by the end of June I was at peace with the break-up. (Btw even up to today he still randomly calls & texts me!! I don’t pay him any attention though…). My stepmom was getting on my nerves so I avoided her as much as possible. At work things got brighter - I finally got hired on permanently (previously I had been on contract, and they kept extending it). 

JULY

This is when my summer got…interesting. I met a few new guys and this is where the dates started. I wasn’t looking to jump into anything serious… just mingle :) The most memorable was my first date with a guy who lived an hour away. It was a blind date in the sense that we hadn’t met in person before. He had a friend’s wedding to attend and he wanted me to go as his date. At first I wasn’t too keen on the idea because I like first dates to be more one-on-one, plus I’d have to meet his friends on date one, plus the whole wedding thing as a first date was a bit awkward! Eventually I agreed, and he turned out to be a good guy – he made me as comfortable as possible at the wedding. After I got home that night though, I deleted his number… weird I know, considering he was good looking, funny, well-mannered, smart and financially stable. It’s at that point that I realized I had trust issues - because he lived an hour away, I’d always be on edge about him cheating (looks like T scarred me!!).  And he had too much swag for my liking… the type of ‘charming’ you’d expect from a player (type of swag T had!). Normally I would’ve given him a chance but umm… no.

Joker and I have been friends for ten years and even though I know he had a crush on me in high school I thought it ended in high school. One night after one of our random chill sessions as we were doing our usual goodnight hug, he snuck a kiss on my lips. It was a quick, lingering peck and he left immediately… almost like he was scared to stay around for my reaction. I was frozen for a few moments with so many emotions… disgusted because I felt like my brother had just tried to make a move on me, angry because he has a girlfriend (who by the way we just found out is pregnant) and confused because I thought we were friends. A lot of my friends (and our mutual friends) always told me that Joker was in love with me, but I never took them seriously because I don’t see him the same way.  He’s cute, funny…the works, but I just. don’t. see. him. that. way (plus as his best girl friend, I’ve heard the sooo many stories from him that would not make me want to be in a relationship with him). I wanted to confront him about ‘the kiss’, but I didn’t because I didn’t want him to confess his undying love for me since I wouldn’t know what to say. The most I did was tell him (half-jokingly) that if he ever pulled a stunt like that again, I’d slap him so hard he’d forget his name. Eitherway, rest of summer with him was weird because we hung out less, called each other less, bbm’d less. He knows me well enough to know that I rejected him without being blunt, and I know him well enough to know he took it personally. 

Ironically, later that week I was hanging out with another guy friend I went to uni with…we met during our freshman year (6 years ago) because we lived in the same rez and we were in the same program. I remember when we first met I had the biggest crush on him which I admitted to him. He pretty much turned me down saying he was still having his fun:  he knew that I wanted a serious relationship and he wasn’t ready for it. I respected him for being honest, and we stayed good friends for years after that. Recently, people have been telling me that he likes me as more than a friend but I shrug it off because after all, he turned me down and I’m definitely over him by now!!!!! Fast-forward five years and I had gone over to his house to pick up something. He opened the door in just boxers which I didn’t really think anything of because he’s always been conceited about his body. I’ve been to his house hundreds of times before and so many times he is shirtless or opens the door in just a towel with the typical ‘I just came out of the shower’ excuse – I just ignore it. Eitherway, so we’re on the couch talking, having a drink and watching tv as we’ve done hundreds of times before. This time around though, things were strange… he was sitting closer that normal, really touchy/flirty, and before I knew it his arm was around my shoulder. Next thing I knew he was trying to kiss me and he pretty much pounced on me!!!!!!!! I was shocked! To cut the story short, I didn’t want any of that so I pushed him off me and pretty much ran out the door!! Needless to say, our ‘friendship’ has become awkward since. I try to avoid him as much as I can – in fact I’ve only seen him only once after that and that was to make an appearance at his birthday party.

It’s all so weird because for a while I was starting to wonder who my true guy friends were. Am I naïve? If it was guys I wasn’t close to I’d shrug it off as them being dogs but in this case was I being delusional thinking that they were just good friends? Can males and females ever be just friends? Was I giving off a slutty vibe for them to come onto me like that, or was it because I was freshly single and they felt they could snatch me while they still could? It was all so weird….. had me really thinking…. UPDATES ON THE REST OF THE MONTHS TO FOLLOW…..

...tipsy? ...drunk? ...nahh, GONE!

So at work Tuesday I got a text from Joker (who in case you haven't noticed is my best guy friend lately) asking me if I wanted to chill after work. Nothing unusual because at least once a week we hang out after work. Little did I know that this 'chill session' would turn into an unusual one...

After work I called him up and we met at Wacky Wings (nothing like good ol' fashioned wings and beer to unwind after a tough day at work right?!). Sidenote: I never used to like beer but spending time with Joker and his boys watching playoffs..  plus beer being the only alcoholic drink in his fridge everytime I go over to his house rubbed off on me. I'm still all about cocktails so I secretly curse him to this day! Back to the story: At the table was Joker and two of his guy friends. One of them I didn't know, and the other one (we'll call him 'the drunk') I had met before. As soon as I saw 'the drunk' I gave Joker the cut eye because 'the drunk' is an alcoholic... literally. It was too late to turn around so I grabbed a seat and joined in with the pitcher and wings because they already had a glass and plate waiting for me.

'The drunk' is a 'friend' of Joker who turned into an alcoholic after his ex left him a few years ago. I've heard CRAZY stories about him from the Joker about how he blows ridiculous amounts of money on alcohol, how he picks meaningless fights after he has too much to drink, how he has countless DUIs to the point where he is on legal curfew, can't drive for pretty much his whole life and has to attend AA meetings/rehab, how he can't keep a job but because he is from a privileged background he doesn't care because his cashflow to buy more alcohol isn't going anywhere, how getting kicked out of a club/lounge or any place that serves alcohol is a norm to him... the list goes on. Everytime I hear stories about 'the drunk' I put the Joker on blast because I feel like the Joker and his friends are supporting the habit. How can you be a 'friend' and still drink with him? 

Joker justifies it by saying that they were friends before he became an alcoholic and he can't 'ditch' his boy because he is sick and has a problem. He says 'the drunk' will always find a way to drink with or without him in his life and if he ditched 'the drunk' he will just find other people to drink with. He says because the drunk's wallet is like a bottomless pit, the other people he will find to drink with will use him for his money and as a 'friend' he can't let that happen because he knows those people using him will probably let him drive drunk or won't get him out of a fight if one starts.  Joker told me once that I wouldn't understand it and the importance of 'true friends' surrounding him until I saw 'the drunk' drunk. That's why Joker called me to witness it.

As 'the drunk' was cracking a joke about prenups and how he wanted his future wife to sign one so she would never run off with his beer money (his exact words), I looked at Joker and realized that me and him will never agree on this issue. How can you be a 'true friend' and sit there watching your friend drink himself to an early grave? But then again, I sort of understand what he means about 'the drunk' doing it with or without him and being in a vulnerable state if he doens't have his true friends watching over him. Where do you draw the line between love and tough love? Is my viewpoint right, or is Joker's viewpoint right? What would I do if I had a friend like that?

As I walked away from the table I shook my head and thought at how crazy life can be and how sometimes people disagree on the method, but they all want the same outcome (in this case to see 'the drunk' get over this). And when it comes down to it, it all started with one bad relationship....

You Live & You Learn (esp with guys) - Part 3

After I found out, I stopped talking to T completely. I went to his house when I knew nobody would be home, let myself in with the spare key, and took JUST my stuff. (That's how you know I'm sweet.. I could have f*cked up his house). Eventually the other girl (we'll call her 'the model' since she was a part-time model) called and begged me to contact him because he was threatening to beat her down. He suspected that she'd told me everything and that's why I cut him off. To cut a long story short, I told her I'd have to confront him with everything she told  me and I'd personally make sure that he wouldn't lay a finger on her for telling me.

So finally I picked up one of his calls and agreed to meet him in person. I seriously considered standing him up, but I showed up (full swag on 'cuz you gotta look good when dumping someone!). I pulled the whole 'I know there's something going on so tell me everything now and MAYBE we can save the relationship' line. As my player friend Joker once told me, a certified player will always deny and try to flip the script.. so it wasn't a  surprise when T lied and tried to make me sound crazy. I didn't budge and eventually, he talked himself into a corner where he had no choice but to admit he cheated. He claimed he'd never had sex with 'the model' and that it was 'emotional cheating.' He had an 'alternate' version to everything 'the model' had told me so in the end I didn't know who to believe anymore. What I did know was that I didn't want to get caught up a web of lies and drama so I broke up with him.

That's when the stalking began! On sooo many occasions, T would wait for me with flowers by my car after work. He'd blow up my phone leaving all sorts of voice and text messages.. granted some of them were sweet, but others were just creepy. One Friday he was waiting for me after work and he asked to take me out to dinner. I refused because I had a girls' night out and he went as far as to give me money and say 'You and your girls go have fun tonight.' I took the money, told him that he was wrong if he thought money could buy me, and walked away! Once, when I did eventually  go out for dinner with him, I picked a ridiculously pricey spot... I kinda felt bad about that one though because I started to feel like this secret revenge thing was going too far...

So here we were, in this state of limbo.. I loved him and wanted to take him back, but the more rational side did not trust a word he said enough to take him back... let alone even kiss him. Part of me wanted nothing to do with him, but the other part wouldn't let me X him out of my life completely. It's funny how we females remember all the good times over the bad  and that justifies us 'forgiving'... but very few guys are as accomodating when a female cheats! I'm lucky I have friends who kept me strong so that I didn't give in and take him back. I was bitchy to him because a part of me wanted him to stop pursuing me (which would make it easier to get over him knowing he doesn't want me anymore).. but he took the bitching like a sponge and still pursued me with sweet gestures which made me want him back even more.

Eitherway, one day I was at work and T's friend called me. I didn't pick up because you know my policy.. emotional calls at work = career suicide. Soon after, his mom called me too. Curious, I broke my 'rule' and talked to her. She told me that T was in hospital - he had passed out, lost his vital signs for a few moments and while he was in the ambulance (after they revived him) he asked them to call me. At first I thought it was a prank but when I went after work, there he was on the hospital bed..heart monitor, IV, nasal cannula.. the works! I was shocked to say the least! And of course he confessed his undying love right there on his hospital bed... begging for a second chance.

To cut a long story short, that's how we got back together (for one whole day!) after he was discharged. I took him back reluctantly because there was a nagging feeling at the back of my mind. 'The model' had told me that she got my number because T had a new phone and we all know that the original voicemail password is the last four digits of your phone number! So she went into his voicemail and got my number from a message I had left him. So I decided to get with the 'in thing', and I checked his voicemail (he still hadn't changed his password). There were at least five voice messages from another chick (not 'the model'). The messages hinted something was going on between them and she was upset he 'disappeared' and stopped picking up her calls. I asked him who she was and he claimed she was a random friend who 'caught feelings' but nothing happened between them. I still didn't believe him so for my peace of mind I called her and explained to her that I didn't want drama, I just wanted to know how she knew T. She was his friend's cousin and they had on-off fling that started four months after T and I started dating. Apparently because she lived out of town for school, their flings only went down when she came back from school. She asked if I was the one who had yelled at her on the phone... I said no. She asked if he had ever tried to propose to me at Niagara Falls.. and I told her kinda (read part 1 if you're lost!). It made sense now! She is the one who sent him the text 'the model' saw, and she's the one 'the model' yelled at (read part 2 if you're lost!).

After I got off the phone with chick #2, I was sick to my stomach. I felt very stupid and unattractive. It hurt that he was cheating on me pretty much throughout the relationship, and that it was with MULTIPLE chicks. For all I know, there are probably a dozen more out there (I don't even care to know how many anymore). I thought I had the complete package - I know I'm not hideous looking, I'm smart, sweet personality, no baggage... doing well for someone my age. It really killed my self esteem to know what someone wasn't satisfied with my package to the point where they cheated. People say I should feel better knowing that a female could have the complete package but if the guy is a cheater by nature, nothing will stop him. They point out people like Halle Berry, Eva Longoria, Christina Milian, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston etc: they have it going on, yet they were cheated on! They tell me at least I was the 'main' chick and I got the VIP treatment from him.. but that doesn't help!! Bottom line, that shit hurt!!

So what happened to T? Well I dumped him again the day after we got back together... he turned stalker-like again, and eventually to get him off my back I lied and saidI had moved on with a new guy. It took a few weeks for him to 'get it' and eventually, he faded out of my life. I miss him, but I know I have bigger, better things lined up in my future. After all... you live and you learn!

You Live & You Learn (esp with guys) - Part 2

Friends who were there to witness what happened still have their mouths hanging open with surprise and people I tell the break-up to think it’s so dramatic it’s made up! Anyway here is part 2:

One night while I was with T on a date, my phone rang and it was a private number. Everyone knows private numbers = trouble. But everyone also knows curiosity = pick up. I picked up and a female demanded I put T on the phone. Naturally I got pissy because you can’t call MY phone, hide behind a private number, act rude and expect me to take it. I gave her a piece of my mind before I passed the phone to T. When he said ‘Hello’, she hung up.  Red flag! I asked him who it was, and he said he had no idea and that maybe it was my friends playing pranks on me. None of my friends are losers to do that, but I eventually dropped the topic because I wasn’t in the mood to argue.

A week later:  My phone rings and this time a number showed up.  I picked up and whoever it was hung up. When I called back right away, a female answered and claimed she’d called a wrong number. Joker (a good guy friend who is a hardcore player) told me it was ‘the other chick’ and either she was trying to ‘gauge’ what type of person I was, or she was vindictive and got pleasure out of tormenting me. He told me to be ‘nicer’ to her if I wanted answers. Following day while at work, the same number called me three times. I didn’t pick up because I take my professional life seriously, and taking emotional calls at work is career suicide.  The mistake I made was to text T telling him that after work I was coming over to his house to get to the bottom of these calls.

After work, I went to his house. First thing: took his phone and dialed the ‘mysterious’ number to see if it was saved and a name would show up. Nothing came up (obviously he would’ve had the chance to delete it because of my text).  Second thing:  called the number on speakerphone. When the female picked up I asked her who she was and why she kept calling me if it was ‘a wrong number’. She got all rude, and after going at it back and forth, I realized we were going in circles, so I hung up. I asked T if he recognized the voice or the number and he told me he didn’t. At this point I was fed up, so I left. I told him never to call me again unless he had solid answers for me. Of course he called me on my way home but at the point I had lost all patience.

Next morning at 6am, I woke up to a private number calling me.  Annoyed I picked up and told the female that if she wasn’t going to have a ‘woman to woman’ conversation, she had no business calling me.  That’s when she started talking. She claimed she called the day before (while I was at work) to tell all, but I hadn’t picked up. T had told her after that I’d call her that night (guess he knew because of the text I sent him) and if she said a word, he would beat her up (and she started crying). Obviously that made me skeptical because T NEVER shown violent traits towards me… even when we argued, he'd NEVER called me names or been disrespectful.  I listened either way.  Turns out they met two months after T and I started dating and had an on-off relationship since – most of the time they were broken up. She claimed he abused her emotionally and physically, and that their relationship was ‘friends with benefits’. He refused to bring her around his family and they had never really gone out on dates. She claimed there was a time when he had broken up with her saying he had found the love of his life (me), and that he couldn’t go on cheating… but weeks after, he said me and him broke up. Her story became more believable when she started told me things about him few would know.  Her time lines also matched up. She named specific events that had happened, and that she knew there was ‘someone’ else because weekends and evenings he suddenly became impossible to get in touch with (that’s when he was with me).  The most disturbing part: she named specific Sundays and asked if I had gone to church with T those Sundays. T and I had this thing where we’d go to his church together on Sundays, but on some Sundays I’d choose to either go with fam to my regular church, or not go at all. Turns out those Sundays I didn’t go he took her to the SAME church…. (I know right?!!!!).

She asked if I was the girl she told off on the phone months before when I called him  or if I was the girl who sent him a text asking him if he was going to ‘propose to someone else in Niagara’ -  I said ‘no’ and she said that meant there were more females in the picture.  She claimed a month or so before, he had started talking marriage and moving out with her…  and to top it all off, that she was pregnant! We talked on the phone for hours, and at the end, she asked me not to tell him we spoke because he would kill her (literally).

I remember for days after that I was a walking zombie… shocked wouldn’t even begin to describe it. I didn’t shed a tear for weeks, and when I did, it was over the situation, and not over him (not sure if that makes sense?). Obviously I didn’t believe everything she said, but there was def some truth to it. How could someone have two sides that are such opposites? I asked Joker what to make of it all, and he told me it’s obvious I was ‘wifey’… the one he wanted to be with permanently and that’s why I got the ‘princess’ treatment. Joker claimed the other chick(s) were his side hos that he didn’t put much effort into and that’s why (combined with my naiveté)  I never caught onto his cheating (he claims guys get caught when they go the ‘extra’ mile for the side chick: for example, if he goes the ‘extra mile’ and takes her out on dates.. he’d most likely be caught or if he went the ‘extra mile’ and bothered with consistent texts and calls.. he’s most likely get caught etc) . Joker said T probably started with the marriage/moving out thing with the side chick because he sensed that I wasn’t there to stay and he wanted a plan B before leaving me (if he did), or he wanted to keep the side chick around by making empty promises.

I’ll have to do another post because this is only the beginning – it gets more dramatic. ***Part three coming soon with the confrontation, and what happened after****

You Live & You Learn (esp with guys) - Part 1

The main reason why I blog is because it helps me grow as a person. There's something about putting thoughts in writing (and not hiding them) that is liberating. To me, I'm evolving because I couldn't be bothered if someone out there judges. I've noticed the happiest people in this world live free of unnecessary fear about what others think of them: they are happy because they aren't unnecessarily living their lives for others, but for the values that keep them true to themselves. Just a thought...

Eitherway, here is the moment you've been waiting for boys and girls! The first guy confession!! This one will be about my ex (we'll call him T) because the whole break-up is still fresh...

EVERYONE who knows me says I have a 'type' I date that I need to step away from. Look-wise: they are good-looking, muscular, clean-cut, tattooed... swag on point! Personality-wise: they have a bad boy demeanor, but I tap into their vulnerable, funny, laid-back side. That's the summarized version of 'my type' and funny thing is it's by fluke that I end up dating them - I don't consciously go looking for them. Spring last year, my girl and I were in my car at a McDonald's parking lot stuffing our faces with food from drive-thru and deciding what to do rest of the afternoon. I remember looking up ahead and voilà! There he was, looking so damn good, all swagged up... and better yet walking towards my car. We locked eyes which gave him the green light so when he reached his destination (which was his car that was ironically parked right next to mine), he motioned for me to open my car window and started talking to me. We chatted, exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. In retrospect, I wish that's where it ended! 

I didn't expect to hear from him for a few days, but a few hours later that same afternoon he called me. Of course I didn't pick up the first time, but 30 minutes later he called again. To cut a long story short, we went from talking on the phone to hanging out everyday. Background info on him: He was my age, owned a trucking company, had a 4 year old son (red flag), dropped out of school (red flag), and was very dependant on his well-off parents (red flag). Why red flags? 1) No offense to anyone but I swore I would NEVER date anyone with a child that's not mine - if I was older, yes, but right now I'm not ready for that responsibilty, plus that means there's a baby moms lurking in the background somewhere... definitely not ready! 2) I'm big on education, and right or wrong, I look for the same in a partner. Obviously your education doesn't define smarts, but as an individual he was hard to have intellectual conversations with sometimes. 3) I like a man who makes his own money.. I don't care if you're Bill Gate's son.. I want to see that you have the drive to support yourself. With all these things I was skeptical about (plus the fact that there were other potential guys in the pic at the time) why did I choose to date him? The answer is simple but stupid... He lived 15 minutes from my house, and at the time I had just finished undergrad (hadn't started my Masters yet), and was still looking for a job so I had lots of time on my hands. He was fun to be around and our personalities clicked from day one so at the time, he was the perfect company to kill time with. From day one, I always knew he wasn't 'the one', but I figured 'I'm still young and carpe diem'!

Eventually we became inseparable and started dating. Midway through summer, I started working so I didn't have as much free time, but we still saw each other every day because we grew thisclose.  I was genuinely happy with him  but I noticed he was more 'into it' than I was. He introduced me to his whole fam, brought me around his friends where he'd 'brag' about me, started talking marriage, us moving in together and opening joint accounts etc. It bugged me because I knew he wasn't 'the one' but I still loved him enough to want him around (selfish, I know). I never introduced him to my fam because I knew my dad  was picky and would NEVER approve of him (the education and child 'issue'... plus by end of summer his trucking company went under so he was unemployed!). I avoided bringing him around my friends because they didn't like him (they caught bad vibes off him and they felt I could do better). I didn't want to move in with him and I sure as hell didn't want to marry him! In fact, new years he booked us a luxury suite overlooking Niagara Falls for the whole weekend and I knew he was going to propose because of hints he'd dropped. For example, before the trip when we were in the mall, he dragged me into jewellery stores and asked me to show him rings I liked so 'he'd get an idea of my taste'. To get out of the proposal, I picked an argument just before the Niagara trip and concluded the argument with 'we still need a lot of work'. We still went to Niagara, but I was so glad when he whipped out a bracelet as a gift instead. 

I felt SOOO guilty because we were getting close to the one-year mark of dating and I still didn't see him as 'the one.' I loved him, but not as a life partner. I had hoped that his infatuation with me would lessen with time, but it didn't. I felt bad because I was leading him on. I wanted to tell him that I didn't see 'us' as long-term, but I knew he would break up with me (or if not, the way he treated me would change). Selfish I know, but I liked what we  had too much to let it go. So there I was, battling with whether to tell him or not. Then lo and behold, the relationship took a weird twist when I got a phone call one day....

*part two coming soon*

A simple (but deep) father's day reflection...

Father's day I woke up 7am to my stepmom asking if I could drive everyone to church. She is recovering from fibroid surgery so she can't drive her car, and apparently my dad was going to work (on father's day!!).  My two brothers are too young to drive. My church has two services: 9:15am and 11:15am.  My fam always insists on 9:15am service which I'll never understand since it's not like God will disappear after 9:15am. It's not that I didn't want to go - it's just that it was so. darn. early!! I wanted to say no and make up an excuse, but I would've felt guilty so I dragged myself out of bed and made sure to clean my car before my stepmom went inside (my car is the 'party car' whenever I go out with friends and I drive...enough said!).

In retrospect I'm glad I went! The pastor's message hit home, and by the end of the service I was pretty much in tears. My dad is an amazing man and I don't know where I would be without him. 

My parents ended their 12 year marriage when I was 13. We had just moved to Canada and my mom left for South Africa where she is a professor. See my mom was always a career-oriented woman and my dad the family-oriented one.  My dad assumed the role of a single father long before my parents divorced and I know it hasn't been easy for him. For example, my dad was there my first day of school while my mom was away doing a 2-year Masters in another country. After the divorce, I saw my dad struggle to put food on the table  for me and my little brother because when my mom left, we were barely settled in Canada. My dad is an engineer by profession, but after the divorce he sacrificed career advancements to raise me and my brother.  It would've been so much easier for us to move back to Zimbabwe where all the family assets were but my dad insisted that we stay in Canada for a better future for me and my brother. I also admire him because it must've been hard to raise a teenage daughter (considering that he never even had sisters!), and my brother who at the time was only 5 years old  (we all know small kids need a lot of attention).

At the end of the day, he did well. I turned out just fine (I think!). I remember our awkward 'stay away from boys' talks, the times he was always on my back about curfew and grades, the times he would tell me to go back and change out of some of the clothes I wore, the times he would help me with my homework, the times when he would do house chores and cook, the times when he would give me advice and encourage me when I was ready to give up...the list goes on. I can honestly look back and say there was never a moment where I needed my dad, and he wasn't there... and all the while he never once said a negative thing about my mom to me (I later got to hear my mom's side of the story). My senior year of high school, my dad re-married. I've never liked my stepmom... but for him,  I've tolerated her all these years. She had a son  from a previous relationship that my dad embraces as his own (sad thing is my stepmom doesn't treat me and my bro with the same unconditional love). As I was sitting in church, I was in tears because not everyone has a father as loving as mine who is forever sacrificing for his children. The family is financially well-off now, but it comes at a price because now he travels a lot for business meetings and spends ridiculous 60+ hours a week in the office and at client sites. Even on father's day he was at work, still sacrificing....

"Business Attire"

I had a weird dream about my ex last night. I'm still yet to blog about the whole break up. It's such a long, dramatic story I'll prob have to do part 1 and part 2. Next week... I promise :)

Yesterday at the end of a staff meeting at work, the boss mentioned that we should all review the corporate dress code memo that had been recently revised and sent out.  I assumed because it's summer and layers of clothing are coming off, they felt the need to reiterate the dress code. Eitherway, I finally got around to reading it, and I found it hilarious because the ONLY changes compared to the old dress code were that (and I quote word for word) "legs, if shown, should be in good repair"  ...and that "Heels shall not exceed 2 inches." Turns out this was a 'diplomatic' way of asking women who wear skirts to shave their legs and not wear heels they can't walk in!!! I'm not sure if they added this to the dress code because of one repeat offender, or if a lot of people were doing it. It's a big company so it's hard to pinpoint but whatever the case, REALLY?!?!! Maybe I'm not being open-minded but in a North American corporate environment, this should be common sense! *Chris Brown voice* "I'm done"

She's getting married!!!!!

 Tuesday morning before work I met up with my best girlfriends from undergrad: Iman & Destiny. (To find out who they are, go to 'Meet the Characters').  It was my first time seeing them after a while because Destiny just returned from Hawaii, and Iman from North Carolina, both on vacation. Breakfast plans turned to early lunch at All-star Wing & Ribs since I got caught up in rush hour traffic and the girlies live a good 45 mins away. At lunch, Destiny whipped out her hand and announced her high school sweetheart proposed to her during their trip in Hawaii!!!!!! And let me tell you...this girl's ring is ____________  (I was going to say blinging but it deserves a better word... I'll fill in the blank when I figure it out). I had to leave early to get to work on time so I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say. I know she'll read this blog so I'll say it here:

Destiny, I'm sooooo happy for you because if there's one couple in this world that deserves to stay together forever, it's you two!! 7 years strong and still going! I can't help but think back to our crazy uni club nights, drinking nights and the girls' nights when we used to joke about who in our circle would get married first. It's actually happening now... one of us is getting married!  I admire you and Mr. because you have shown that there is hope for us all! I'm not sure if Iman mentioned but she, her mom and I had a deep convo about love and marriage earlier before we met up. We were talking about the state of the world and how hard it is to find a good, genuine guy (even the waitress at All-star mentioned that)... you are the chosen one!!! You  already have your soulmate while the rest of us are out there still kissing frogs trying to find prince charming. Congratulations!!!!!!! I can't wait for the wedding planning, the bachelorette party and the wedding speeches  xoxoxox

They will be announcing it to everyone else this Saturday at his birthday bbq. This is exciting because someone so close to me is getting married... it feels surreal.

Anyone who has ever had a close friend/family member marry will know what I mean. Marriage to me is such a big step because you're attached for life in every way possible... emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually, financially, legally, socially ...you will grow old with the fucker, and you are using up the best years of your life to be with him....time you can never get back. What makes it harder is how do you differentiate between true love and an 'emotion' where you think you're in love? Ever look back at exes and laugh because at the time you thought you loved them, but in retrospect it was an 'emotion' or you 'fell out of love' if you were even in love to begin with. How do you know they will stay true to you forever emotionally and physically? Crazy stuff! That's why I admire Destiny because she's at a point where it's a bonafide true love case. They are tried and true to the core! Certified! ...and she's at a point in her life where she can honestly see herself with him forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever......

First post ever!!

....yes I'm doing it.. I'm actually putting my life out there! I'm an introvert (kinda..) so many will be shocked by this one :)  My inspiration? Yesterday I met up with a good guy friend in downtown Toronto because he is leaving soon to teach in China for a year.. (we'll call him Chyna). Of course I was late delayed by an hour thanks to highway traffic and trying to find non-existent, overpriced parking. We hadn't hung out in months so while catching up over sushi & downtown shopping, I told Chyna about my life lately and my recent break-up. He gave me the classic 'smh' look and we joked about how funny and dramatic my life is. I joked about doing a reality show or blog.... at the point it was a joke, but umm... yeaa, less than 24 hours later, it's reality.

His trip to China (and a phone convo with one of my best girlfriends that just returned from Hawaii) brought back memories about my trip to South Africa, Botswana and Zimbabwe three months ago which I'll blog about soon.The break-up was so dramatic you can't help but laugh about it... kinda like those break-ups you'd expect to see in a movie with weird twists and turns. Keep an eye out since I'll confess the details in another post soon. Last night, instead of attending a family event/party, I got off the hook unexpectedly, and ended up doing a drive-in movie with another one of my good guy friends (we'll call him Joker because he's straight hilarious). A confession is coming up soon because Joker's girlfriend drama made me realize something about relationships. Oh, and I know you probably wonder if all these guys I've mentioned so far are just friends..the answer is YES, but there's a confession in the near future about my theory of guy/girl friendships. As you can tell, I have a lot of juicy confessions lined up (and because I'm nice, I won't use real names yet)..... keep following my blog :)